趣味英語：美國晚間脫口秀節(jié)目一周笑話精選

"The Obamas have a new White House dog. It is a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Bo arrived just in time, because Sasha and Malia were getting tired of throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden." --Jimmy Fallon

“奧巴馬一家有了一只新的白宮第一狗，是一只葡萄牙水犬，名字叫波。波的到來非常及時，因為薩沙和瑪利亞都對朝喬·拜登扔飛盤感到膩歪了。”——吉米·法倫

"How about that Obama dog? They got a new dog. Yeah, a little Portuguese water dog. And the dog, as you would expect, is not house broken yet. In fact, earlier today, he left a bigger mess in the Oval Office than Bush did." --David Letterman

“奧巴馬的狗怎么樣?他們有了一只新狗，對，一只小的葡萄牙水犬。這只狗呢，正如你們期望的那樣，還沒有被訓(xùn)練好。事實上，今天的早些時候，它在橢圓辦公室留下的一坨屎比布什留下的大多了。”——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼

"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations." --Jay Leno

“巴拉克·奧巴馬的女兒們非常聰明，她們告訴他說她們愿意像他對經(jīng)濟(jì)負(fù)責(zé)一樣對小狗負(fù)責(zé)。這也就是說，如果這只狗在白宮拉便便，我們要等未來幾代人來清理干凈。”

"Actually, this has become a first family tradition. All the first families have had a dog. The Obamas have Bo, that's the name of the dog. The Bushes had Barney. The Clintons, of course, had Bill ." --Jay Leno

“事實上，這已經(jīng)變成了第一家庭的傳統(tǒng)。所有的第一家庭都有只狗。奧巴馬家有了波，這是這只狗的名字。布什家有巴尼。克林頓家么，當(dāng)然，有比爾。”

"And you know they have Bo wearing one of those electronic collars. If he strays beyond the perimeter of the White House grounds he gets a little buzz. That's to make sure he doesn't -- no, wait a minute, that's Joe Biden." --David Letterman

“大家都知道他們讓波戴上了電子狗鏈。如果它走出白宮周圍它就會有點麻。用這個來確保他不會——不對，等一下，那是喬·拜登。”——大衛(wèi)·萊特曼

"This Wednesday, April 15th, taxes are due, but people who work for President Obama are busy doing their taxes for 1998, '99, 2000." --Jay Leno

“這個星期三，4月15日，是交稅的日子，但是為奧巴馬總統(tǒng)工作的人都在忙著做他們98年、99年和2000年的稅。”——杰·雷諾

"Some Americans did a very dumb thing today. They had tea party protests. They've been mailing tea bags to Congress to I guess express their dissatisfaction with taxes and government spending because nothing shakes a politician up like a complimentary bag of tea. 'Hey if you don't straighten up next year, crumpets, buddy.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

“一些美國人今天做了一件非常愚蠢的事情。他們舉行了“茶黨”抗議，一直在往國會寄茶包，我猜他們是想表達(dá)他們對稅收和政府開支的不滿，因為沒有什么能比一個贈送的茶包更能動搖一個政客了：‘嘿，伙計，要是你們明年再不改，我們就寄煎餅。’”——吉米·卡莫

"And a lot of protests today. Thousands of people had these tea parties, during which they protested higher taxes. But here in LA, it was called the Green Herbal Double Decaf Tea Party." --Jay Leno

“今天有很多起抗議。數(shù)千人都召集了各自的茶黨來抗議高稅收。但是在洛杉磯這里，茶黨被叫做雙份濃縮綠茶黨。”——杰·雷諾

"This is like the Boston tea party for people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay taxes anymore. The tea part is just a metaphor [on screen: a Fox News reporter pointing to boxes at one of the tea parties containing a million tea bags]. Let me get this straight. To protest wasteful spending, you bought a million tea bags. Are you protesting taxes or irony?" --Jon Stewart, on the tea party protests (Watch video clip)

“對于那些早在……我不知道，也許兩個半月前就決定的人們來說，這就像當(dāng)年的波士頓茶黨不想再交稅一樣。茶包這個部分只是一個暗喻?！酒聊簧?，福克斯新聞的一個記者指出，一處茶黨抗議需要一百萬個茶包?！吭蹅冎闭f了吧，你們要抗議浪費性開支，然后你們買了一百萬個茶包。你們是想抗議稅收啊還是在玩黑色幽默啊?”——喬·斯圖爾特

"This pirates stuff is unbelievable, but the Obama administration is getting high marks for the way they handled the rescue situation this weekend, or the military did. But with all the problems we have right now, who would have guessed that on top of everything else our new president would have to deal with pirates? What's next? A dragon? Ghosts?" --Jimmy Kimmel

“海盜的猖獗是讓人難以置信的，但是奧巴馬政府正被高度贊許，因為周六他們處理營救事宜的事情，要么就是因為軍隊的表現(xiàn)。但是我們現(xiàn)在面臨這么多麻煩，誰能猜到我們的新總統(tǒng)在所有問題中不得不先處理的是海盜呢?下一個問題會是什么?一條龍?小鬼兒?”——吉米·卡莫

"And as you know, that captain of the merchant ship that was held captive by three Somali pirates was rescued when the pirates were shot and killed by a group of Navy Seals. President Obama authorized the military to use any force necessary to accomplish this. And today, the CEOs of Ford, Chrysler and GM said, 'We'll build any car you want.'" --Jay Leno

“就像你們知道的的那樣，被三個索馬里海盜抓住的商船船長獲救了，海盜們被一隊海軍擊斃。奧巴馬總統(tǒng)授權(quán)給軍隊為達(dá)成這一目標(biāo)可以使用任何必要的武力。然后今天，福特、克萊斯勒和通用的CEO們說，‘我們能造出任何你想要的車。’”——杰·雷諾

"President Obama should get a big refund this year because he has a lot of dependents. AIG, Citibank, Morgan Stanley -- all dependents." --Jay Leno

“奧巴馬總統(tǒng)今年應(yīng)該能拿到很多退稅，因為他要養(yǎng)活的太多。AIG，花旗、摩根士丹利——都得他養(yǎng)活。”——杰·雷諾(小編注：美國有退稅的政策，一般來說家里孩子多拿到的退稅也多。)