新婚夫婦如何向親朋好友張口要錢

Forget the chafing dish. Just give me the money.

千萬別給我買什么涮鍋，直接給錢就好。

An increasing number of brides and grooms want cold hard cash as presents, wedding-industry insiders say. Gracefully communicating that desire to their invitees, however, can be a challenge.

婚禮服務業人士表示，越來越多的新郎和新娘希望收到實實在在的鈔票作結婚禮物。然而，如何將這一愿望得體地傳達給賓客可不是件容易的事。

Traditional gifts started losing some luster a few years ago, with the rise of Web sites that let wedding guests contribute toward the honeymoon. New economic realities are now further shaping couples' priorities.

傳統的結婚禮物幾年前就開始逐漸失寵，與此同時，面向婚禮賓客推出資助新人度蜜月服務的網站開始興起。眼下，新的經濟現實進一步確立了新人們的首選目標。

People are marrying later, for instance--men at 27.5 and women at 25.6, on average--which means newlyweds often have already set up house and are saddled with credit-card debt. Recently plunging investments make cash a lot more welcome--and a lot more needed -- than, say, a blender.

現在人們結婚的年齡越來越晚，比如說——男性平均要到27.5歲，女性要到25.6歲才會結婚——這就意味著新人們通常已經自己買了房子，而且還負擔著沉重的信用卡債務。近來，一落千丈的資本市場也使得現金——比起攪拌器之類的東西來——更受青睞，也更派得上用場。

It's an awkward subject for most people. But there are a few things a bride and groom can do to encourage cash gifts without offending Great Aunt Mimi.

這對大多數人來說都是一個難于啟齒的話題。但是，新郎和新娘還是可以做一些事情，在不得罪親友的情況下鼓勵他們用現金作為結婚禮物。

Be Sensitive 保持敏感

Couples should consider how their guests will react before including money as an explicit gift option. Wedding experts say that to some extent, acceptance depends on geography. Many guests at New York and Los Angeles weddings feel cash is an acceptable present. But it's not so common in the Midwest. And some in the South believe it's too impersonal, so couples there may have to work extra hard to overcome an anticash sentiment.

在把金錢明確作為禮物選項之前，新人們應該考慮賓客會對此做出什么樣的反應。婚慶專家表示，對于把金錢作為結婚禮物的接受程度，在一定程度上與地域有關。許多在紐約和洛杉磯參加婚禮的人認為現金作為禮物是可以接受的。但是在美國中西部這樣的情形并不普遍，而美國南部的一些人則認為，這種做法太沒有人情味，所以在那里舉辦婚禮的新人或許需要加倍努力才能戰勝這種“反對現金禮物”的情緒。

Reactions can vary by age, too. While younger generations will "get it," friends of the parents and grandparents may feel queasy about the idea, says Rebecca Dolgin, executive editor of theknot.com, a New York-based Web site about weddings. Older people often still prefer giving tangible gifts, convinced that the recipients will enjoy unwrapping the surprise.

人們的反應也可能與年齡有關。紐約婚慶網站theknot.com執行編輯麗貝卡·道根說，盡管年輕人能夠接受這種潮流，但父母和祖父母的朋友或許會對這個主意感到不安。老年人通常仍更傾向于贈送實實在在的禮物，因為他們相信，這能讓新人在拆開禮物時享受到那份驚喜。

Some say the current economic situation is easing tensions when it comes to talking about money, meaning older guests from Mississippi may now be more willing to write a check. Of course, the recession also means that check may be rather small, since guests could be struggling themselves.

有些人說，眼下的經濟形勢讓人們在談論金錢時能減輕不安感，這意味著來自密西西比州的年長賓客或許會比從前更樂意開張支票作禮物。當然，經濟衰退還意味著支票上面的數額或許會很小，因為賓客自己經濟上可能陷入了困境。

Be Subtle 旁敲側擊

Some people will write "monetary gifts preferred" on their wedding invitations. But going that route can have disastrous results, according to Jenny Orsini, a wedding planner based in Springfield, N.J. "I might actually buy them a purple-and-green-polka-dot cheese grater just for saying that," she warns.

一些人會在婚禮請柬上注明“樂于接受現金”。但是，來自新澤西州斯普林菲爾德的婚禮策劃珍妮·奧爾西尼表示，這么做可能會產生災難性的后果。“因為他們那么說，我可能只會給他們買個帶有紫綠花點的奶酪刨絲器，”她警告說。

Couples should never tell guests outright that they want money. In fact, it's bad wedding etiquette to mention wanting any gifts at all, because that implies a guest must buy something in order to attend the wedding.

新人們絕對不應該直白地告訴賓客他們想要金錢作禮物。實際上，提出希望得到任何禮物都不合禮節，因為那意味著人們必須要買些什么才能來參加婚禮。

"It's a terrible idea to include any of this information in your invitation," says Elise Mac Adam, a New York-based wedding-etiquette expert and author. "That's craven," she says. "It's like you're buying a ticket to the wedding."

埃莉斯·麥克·亞當是紐約的一位婚慶禮儀專家和作家。她說，“在結婚請柬上包含任何此類信息都是非常糟糕的主意。這就好像是你在花錢買婚禮的入場券。”

She and other experts suggest asking the family or bridal party to help get the word out--after guests ask about gift preferences. An insert in the invitation, too, can provide a link to a Web site with information about gifts and other matters related to the wedding.

她和其他專業人士建議在賓客詢問新人對結婚禮物的喜好時，通過家人或者伴娘伴郎把這一信息傳遞出去。或者，在結婚請柬里提供一個網絡鏈接，介紹有關禮物及婚禮其它事宜的信息。

It's important for such sites to include practical details, like directions and accommodations for out-of-town guests, so as not to just seem like a plea for presents. (Ms. Mac Adam says she was once shocked by a bride-to-be who asked whether she could include her bank-account number.)

此類網站應該包含一些具體的信息，比如對外地賓客的說明、建議和住宿安排，而不要給人留下只想索要禮物的印象。(亞當說，有一次一位準新娘問到是否應該把她的銀行賬號也寫進請柬，這讓她很是驚訝。)

A more subtle approach is for the couple to explain a bit about their financial goals and why they are forgoing fine china and linens. While the message should say any gift would be appreciated, it can also use the phrase, "What we could really use help with is..." says Anna Post, spokesperson for the Emily Post Institute, a promoter of etiquette and civility that's based in Burlington, Vt.

還有一種更為巧妙的辦法就是讓新人簡要介紹一下他們的財務目標，以及為什么他們不需要瓷器和床上用品。安娜·波斯特說，雖然應該說明新人們樂意接受任何禮物，但還可以寫下這樣的句子，“真正對我們有用的是……” 。波斯特是佛蒙特州伯靈頓市埃米利波斯特學院的禮儀推廣機構的發言人。

Be Specific--and Organized 具體——還要有條有理

Telling guests what the money is for can encourage more giving. Many people are more comfortable handing over cash when they know how it will be spent, and when it's clearly something that requires pooled funds.

告訴賓客們將如何使用在婚禮上收到的禮金會促使人們更愿意慷慨解囊。很多人在知道禮金的開銷去處、了解到新人確實需要大伙解囊相助的情況下會更樂意把現金作為結婚禮物。

Scores of banks offer bridal savings accounts, which collect contributions toward dream homes--or other dreams. Some banks restrict the use of funds to down payments on a house as a way to bring in business to their mortgage arms. But institutions as wide-ranging as SunTrust Banks Inc., Bank of Utah, Community Financial Services Bank in Kentucky and Mercantile Bank in Illinois, Indiana and Missouri place no restrictions on how the funds can be used.Most charge no fees.

許多銀行都提供新人儲蓄賬戶，人們可以通過這種形式為新人們婚后的愛巢或者其他夢想添磚加瓦。一些銀行將這筆資金的使用限定在繳納房子的首付款上，從而為旗下的抵押貸款分支機構帶來業務。但是，像SunTrust Banks Inc.、Bank of Utah、肯塔基州的Community Financial Services Bank以及伊利諾伊、印地安那和密蘇里州Mercantile Bank等金融機構對這筆資金的用途不設任何限制，而且大多數不收取任何費用。

There are Web sites that offer similar services, but these often charge transaction or registration fees, pay no interest and lack FDIC guarantees.

還有一些網站也提供類似的服務，但是經常會收取交易費或注冊費，它們不支付利息，而且沒有聯邦存款保險公司(FDIC)的保障。

Be Realistic 從實際出發

Most couples that request cash don't receive enough for a full down payment on a house. No one should start signing mortgage papers until they know how much they have to work with.

大多數要求現金禮物的新人籌得的錢都不夠支付房子的首付款。在了解到究竟要貸多少款前，新人們不應該簽訂貸款合同。

Nor should the hosts throw a $150,000 wedding and then claim they don't have money for a new car. Nobody will buy it.

新人也不應該花費15萬美元來置辦一場婚禮，然后說自己沒錢買新車。沒有人會為此出錢。

Be Grateful 心存感激

Newlyweds can make their gift-givers feel more appreciated if they include in their thank-you cards a fun picture of themselves enjoying the end result--perhaps sliding down the new banister in their new home.

新婚夫婦如果在致謝卡片中夾帶一張展現新生活場景的有趣照片——比如從新房子的新扶手上滑下來的場景——那么送禮物的人們會更能感受到新人的心意。